Los Angeles, CA
Dark days, my friends. Dark days, indeed! Yes, ladies and gentlemen, that terrible viper of abuse has reared its ugly head to destroy your families, shatter the lives of all you hold dear!
But fret not! For with all other drugs swept away, and all problems of abuse solved, Federal and local law enforcement agencies have set their sites on this scourge! This most ignoble of gasses! The dreaded NITROUS-OXIDE!
Seriously. They're cracking down on Whip-Its. As opposed to whippets, which the L.A. Times does not seem to realize is a particular type of dog. Man, if you're huffing a whippet just go drown yourself in shame right now.
Last week a joint taskforce of the LASD and assorted Federal agencies went after 17 business and nine delivery vehicles for selling nitrous.
They called this... wait for it... Operation No Laughing Matter.
Good fucking Christ. What, is it suddenly 1968 again? Is Nixon in office?
Is Nitrous dangerous? Well, yeah, of course it is. There's this little problem of oxygen deprivation, which is a direct cause of being "too fucking stupid to live". The technical term is asphyxiation. Put your dick in your hands, a tie round your neck and suddenly you get to slap "auto-erotic" in front of that.
Other side effects? Well... B-12 deficiency? Problems in pregnancy after chronic exposure? A particular type of cerebral lesion after several hours. Oh, wait, no. That's only in rats.
But addiction, right? It's gotta be... No? No addiction? Huh.
So why is this shit illegal again? Oh, wait. In many places it isn't. Seems in California possession is a misdemeanor. In fact, it's not even classified as a drug. It's handled by the FDA under the Food Drug and Cosmetics Act. In fact, a violation of that law is what some of these people got hit for. And not having it, it's used in welding, after all, but for mis-branding it.
This is up there with L.A. county going after raw milk distributors a few years ago. Come on, if you're going to have a crackdown on something, try cracking down on something that isn't stupid.
You know, for a change.
Friday, March 29, 2013
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Imagine This At The Siege Of Antioch
Mexicali, Mexico
Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you a marvel of modern engineering! A device so useful, so simple, so absolutely ingenious that it boggles the mind!
Behold! It is The Mexican Weed Cannon!
That's right. Police in Mexicali seized a pick-up truck mounted air cannon that they say has been used to lob packages of marijuana over the border and into the lucrative markets of the United States.
But is it, really? Maybe these are tests for something less sinister? I don't know about you, but I see that and think Fifteenth Century Siege Weapon. I mean, come on, in the back of a pick-up it's more mobile than a trebuchet, easier to aim and fire than a bombard and would look really badass at the next SCA get together. Toss some duct tape and burlap around it, slap on your Kingdom's colors and go to town, baby!
Because marijuana cannon? That's just stupid. I mean, what's gonna happen? Will they get their scattered, poorly aimed product to the markets they want? Or are they just all going to get picked up by Arizona State Troopers?
That's a trick question, by the way.
Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you a marvel of modern engineering! A device so useful, so simple, so absolutely ingenious that it boggles the mind!
Behold! It is The Mexican Weed Cannon!
That's right. Police in Mexicali seized a pick-up truck mounted air cannon that they say has been used to lob packages of marijuana over the border and into the lucrative markets of the United States.
But is it, really? Maybe these are tests for something less sinister? I don't know about you, but I see that and think Fifteenth Century Siege Weapon. I mean, come on, in the back of a pick-up it's more mobile than a trebuchet, easier to aim and fire than a bombard and would look really badass at the next SCA get together. Toss some duct tape and burlap around it, slap on your Kingdom's colors and go to town, baby!
Because marijuana cannon? That's just stupid. I mean, what's gonna happen? Will they get their scattered, poorly aimed product to the markets they want? Or are they just all going to get picked up by Arizona State Troopers?
That's a trick question, by the way.
Friday, February 22, 2013
Noir At The Bar L.A. #10!
That's right, folks. We got another Noir At The Bar comin' at ya. Our tenth, in fact. Yep, we've been doing this since July 2011 and we're not planning on slowing down.
Sunday night, March 24th at 7:00pm at The Mandrake Bar (2692 S La Cienega Blvd Los Angeles, CA 90034).
Yeah, we'll be starting earlier than usual for this one. The bar's got something else going on at 9:00.
For those of you who don't know, Noir At The Bar L.A. is a semi-monthly reading event where we have a handful of crime authors read their shit to a room full of drunks and a good time is had by all.
This month's line-up: Todd Morr (CAPTAIN COOKER), Josh Stallings (ALL THE WILD CHILDREN), Todd Robinson (THE HARD BOUNCE) and me, reading from DEAD THINGS.
So come on down, get your drink on and booze it up with a bunch of hard-boiled miscreants.
Sunday night, March 24th at 7:00pm at The Mandrake Bar (2692 S La Cienega Blvd Los Angeles, CA 90034).
Yeah, we'll be starting earlier than usual for this one. The bar's got something else going on at 9:00.
For those of you who don't know, Noir At The Bar L.A. is a semi-monthly reading event where we have a handful of crime authors read their shit to a room full of drunks and a good time is had by all.
This month's line-up: Todd Morr (CAPTAIN COOKER), Josh Stallings (ALL THE WILD CHILDREN), Todd Robinson (THE HARD BOUNCE) and me, reading from DEAD THINGS.
So come on down, get your drink on and booze it up with a bunch of hard-boiled miscreants.
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
The Dead Lady In The Water Tank Story Just Got A LOT Weirder
Los Angeles, CA
Police have confirmed that the body of the woman discovered yesterday in the rooftop water tank of the Cecil Hotel is in fact that of Elisa Lam of Vancouver, Canada, who was last seen at the hotel on January 31st.
She was discovered there after hotel residents complained of water pressure issues. Seems she was clogging the pipes, or something. No word on how long she's been in there or how much she... uh... contaminated the building's water.
One of the weird things about this is that the police still aren't sure that there's any foul play involved. Why, I'm not really not sure. Presumably there aren't marks on her body indicative of such. Whatever their reasons they're not saying just yet.
That of course begs the question, "How did she get into the tank?" something we may never get an answer to.
To make things even more confusing / creepy we have some video footage from the elevator taken some time before her death (hat tip to the L.A. Weekly.
Clearly there's something going on here. She's obviously distraught, though over what it's impossible to tell. There's something going on outside of the frame. Also, the doors opening and closing in the latter parts of the video, not to mention the strangely long time it takes for them to close in the first place, just adds to the freak-the-fuck-out factor.
I'm not about to guess as to what this means. There are very capable men and women on the LAPD who are scratching their heads over this right now, I'm sure, not to mention an army of Internet watchers and armchair forensic scientists picking this video apart.
However, I would like to leave you with this. The Cecil has, as much of Skid Row and Downtown's Historic Core, quite the quite the storied history.
And that's not even getting into the ghosts.
Police have confirmed that the body of the woman discovered yesterday in the rooftop water tank of the Cecil Hotel is in fact that of Elisa Lam of Vancouver, Canada, who was last seen at the hotel on January 31st.
She was discovered there after hotel residents complained of water pressure issues. Seems she was clogging the pipes, or something. No word on how long she's been in there or how much she... uh... contaminated the building's water.
One of the weird things about this is that the police still aren't sure that there's any foul play involved. Why, I'm not really not sure. Presumably there aren't marks on her body indicative of such. Whatever their reasons they're not saying just yet.
That of course begs the question, "How did she get into the tank?" something we may never get an answer to.
To make things even more confusing / creepy we have some video footage from the elevator taken some time before her death (hat tip to the L.A. Weekly.
Clearly there's something going on here. She's obviously distraught, though over what it's impossible to tell. There's something going on outside of the frame. Also, the doors opening and closing in the latter parts of the video, not to mention the strangely long time it takes for them to close in the first place, just adds to the freak-the-fuck-out factor.
I'm not about to guess as to what this means. There are very capable men and women on the LAPD who are scratching their heads over this right now, I'm sure, not to mention an army of Internet watchers and armchair forensic scientists picking this video apart.
However, I would like to leave you with this. The Cecil has, as much of Skid Row and Downtown's Historic Core, quite the quite the storied history.
And that's not even getting into the ghosts.
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
It's Shit Like This That Makes People Drink Evian
Los Angeles, CA
The thing about staying in hotels is that you have to worry about things you don't necessarily need to when you stay at home. Bed bugs, for example. Loud, grunty sex next door. Maids stealing your shit. Dead bodies in the plumbing.
This morning, after hearing a complaint of low water pressure, an employee of the Cecil Hotel in Downtown Los Angeles checked the building's rooftop water tanks and discovered a body inside. It is believed to be that of Elisa Lam of Vancouver, Canada, who went missing a few weeks ago and was last seen January 31st at the hotel.
Police can't officially confirm it's her until the coroner's taken a look, but it's a pretty good bet.
Assuming it's Lam and she went into the tank the day she disappeared that means she's been in the building's water supply for two and a half weeks.
Corpse water.
Think about that the next time you stay in a hotel.
The thing about staying in hotels is that you have to worry about things you don't necessarily need to when you stay at home. Bed bugs, for example. Loud, grunty sex next door. Maids stealing your shit. Dead bodies in the plumbing.
This morning, after hearing a complaint of low water pressure, an employee of the Cecil Hotel in Downtown Los Angeles checked the building's rooftop water tanks and discovered a body inside. It is believed to be that of Elisa Lam of Vancouver, Canada, who went missing a few weeks ago and was last seen January 31st at the hotel.
Police can't officially confirm it's her until the coroner's taken a look, but it's a pretty good bet.
Assuming it's Lam and she went into the tank the day she disappeared that means she's been in the building's water supply for two and a half weeks.
Corpse water.
Think about that the next time you stay in a hotel.
Thursday, February 07, 2013
No, Seriously. Stay Away From This Guy
Corona, CA
Christopher Jordan Dorner, 33, is wanted in the shooting of three police officers, one fatally, and the murders of a college basketball coach and her fiance.
Oh, and he's an ex-LAPD officer.
Here's the gist. Apologies if it gets complicated. Crazy so often does.
Seems Mr. Dorner filed a complaint against his training officer a while back and was let go. Monica Quan, the daughter of Randy Quan, the officer who was Dorner's representative in his disciplinary hearing, was murdered along with her fiance over the weekend.
This morning someone, presumably Dorner took a shot at a couple of officers working a protection detail, wounding one of them.
Then, not long after someone, also presumably Dorner, ambushed a couple of Riverside police officers in their car, killing one and seriously wounding the other.
How do they know it's Dorner? Easy. His manifesto, of course.
It's long. It's a manifesto, of course it's long. But here's one of the more choice passages.
He is, in a word, troubled. In two words, batshit crazy. Or is that three? Is it hyphenated? I can never remember. Asshole, isn't though, is it? Ass-hole? Asshole?
Whatever. Guy's off his fucking nut and the CHP has issued a 9-county alert looking for this guy's car.
He's driving a 2005 blue or gray Nissan Titan. California license plate is either 8D83987 or 7X09131. Black, 33 years old, 6 feet tall, 270 pounds.
Assume that he is armed. With BIG FUCKING GUNS. The cops certainly are. They've already over-reacted to a blue pickup in Torrance and shot two people who, surprise! aren't Dorner.
So tensions are a touch high. If you see the gentleman in question, stay the fuck away from him, call the cops and get to cover. Even if he doesn't shoot you, the cops might.
You really don't want to be caught in a cross-fire.
Christopher Jordan Dorner, 33, is wanted in the shooting of three police officers, one fatally, and the murders of a college basketball coach and her fiance.
Oh, and he's an ex-LAPD officer.
Here's the gist. Apologies if it gets complicated. Crazy so often does.
Seems Mr. Dorner filed a complaint against his training officer a while back and was let go. Monica Quan, the daughter of Randy Quan, the officer who was Dorner's representative in his disciplinary hearing, was murdered along with her fiance over the weekend.
This morning someone, presumably Dorner took a shot at a couple of officers working a protection detail, wounding one of them.
Then, not long after someone, also presumably Dorner, ambushed a couple of Riverside police officers in their car, killing one and seriously wounding the other.
How do they know it's Dorner? Easy. His manifesto, of course.
It's long. It's a manifesto, of course it's long. But here's one of the more choice passages.
The Violence of action will be HIGH. I am the reason TAC alert was established. I will bring unconventional and asymmetrical warfare to those in LAPD uniform whether on or off duty. ISR is my strength and your weakness. You will now live the life of the prey. Your RD's and homes away from work will be my AO and battle space. I will utilize every tool within INT collections that I learned from NMITC in Dam Neck. You have misjudged a sleeping giant. There is no conventional threat assessment for me. JAM, New Ba'ath party, 1920 rev BGE, ACM, AAF, AQAP, AQIM and AQIZ have nothing on me. Do not deploy airships or gunships. SA-7 Manpads will be waiting. As you know I also own Barrett .50's so your APC are defunct and futile.Did I mention he was in the military? He was in the military.
He is, in a word, troubled. In two words, batshit crazy. Or is that three? Is it hyphenated? I can never remember. Asshole, isn't though, is it? Ass-hole? Asshole?
Whatever. Guy's off his fucking nut and the CHP has issued a 9-county alert looking for this guy's car.
He's driving a 2005 blue or gray Nissan Titan. California license plate is either 8D83987 or 7X09131. Black, 33 years old, 6 feet tall, 270 pounds.
Assume that he is armed. With BIG FUCKING GUNS. The cops certainly are. They've already over-reacted to a blue pickup in Torrance and shot two people who, surprise! aren't Dorner.
So tensions are a touch high. If you see the gentleman in question, stay the fuck away from him, call the cops and get to cover. Even if he doesn't shoot you, the cops might.
You really don't want to be caught in a cross-fire.
Wednesday, January 09, 2013
Where The Wild Things Aren't
Los Angeles, CA
Crime has been dropping steadily in Los Angeles for the last ten years. How much?
Well, to use homicides as an example, in 1991 the CITY of Los Angeles, not County, clocked in at 1025 murders.
In 2012? 298.
That's a drop of about 340%.
And because I just love me some charts, take a look at this Matterhorn-like plunge.
Impressive ain't it?
So impressive, in fact, that the New York Daily News has declared that Los Angles is now the safest big city in America. Who'da thunk?
Now I don't know if that's necessarily true. I haven't looked at numbers from the rest of the nation. And it's not like we're not still pretty jacked up out here. We still have a fuckton of crime.
It's hard to draw comparisons between cities. Compared to, say, New York, L.A. has about a third the number of police (~10K versus ~27K) and half the population. But the geography and policing challenges are different, so it's not apples to apples.
Either way, it's good news. I'd really rather not see the Nineties again.
Crime has been dropping steadily in Los Angeles for the last ten years. How much?
Well, to use homicides as an example, in 1991 the CITY of Los Angeles, not County, clocked in at 1025 murders.
In 2012? 298.
That's a drop of about 340%.
| Year | Homicides | Year | Homicides |
| 1991 | 1025 | 2002 | 645 |
| 1992 | 1092 | 2003 | 506 |
| 1993 | 1077 | 2004 | 518 |
| 1994 | 850 | 2005 | 490 |
| 1995 | 838 | 2006 | 481 |
| 1996 | 707 | 2007 | 398 |
| 1997 | 566 | 2008 | 388 |
| 1998 | 419 | 2009 | 314 |
| 1999 | 432 | 2010 | 297 |
| 2000 | 548 | 2011 | 298 |
| 2001 | 605 | 2012 | 298 |
And because I just love me some charts, take a look at this Matterhorn-like plunge.
Impressive ain't it?
So impressive, in fact, that the New York Daily News has declared that Los Angles is now the safest big city in America. Who'da thunk?
Now I don't know if that's necessarily true. I haven't looked at numbers from the rest of the nation. And it's not like we're not still pretty jacked up out here. We still have a fuckton of crime.
It's hard to draw comparisons between cities. Compared to, say, New York, L.A. has about a third the number of police (~10K versus ~27K) and half the population. But the geography and policing challenges are different, so it's not apples to apples.
Either way, it's good news. I'd really rather not see the Nineties again.
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