Friday, December 16, 2005

I Think It's Safe To Assume He Didn't Run

Gregory Lynn Cross, 49, is the primary suspect in nine Southland bank robberies from Rolling Hills, where they have too goddamn much money, anyway, up to Pico Rivera, where I didn't even know they had banks.

What bugs me is that he's been dubbed "The Overweight Bandit". Now this just goes to show how far we've let political correctness go to our heads in this country. God forbid we call him fat. Don't want to hurt his feelings, after all.

And get this. He walks in, hands them a note, takes the cash and walks out. The fuck? What happend to guns? What happened to alarms? It's not like the guards could fucking miss.

One witness said he smelled dirty, like a transient, he said.

Well, shit, no wonder he got away with it. Fat, homeless guys walk into my bank all the time. Gotta check on their mutual funds and 3 year CDs, after all.

What's next? Midgets? 'Tards? Oh, no, she's The Short of Stature Bandit. He's The Differently Abled Bandit.

Christ, if I'd known it was that easy, I'd have chunked on an extra hundred pounds, and stuttered my way to Rio by now.

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