Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Fred Garvin, Male Prostitute

Los Angeles, CA

I am a whore. I have just signed up for Google's AdSense, which you might be able to see above. I have done this for two reasons.

One, I could use the cash. All those non-fat, no-foam lattes at the Malibu Starbucks where Britney keeps dropping her baby aren't payin' for themselves, dontchaknow.

Two, I'm fascinated to see what sort of ads they stick up there. I predict a lot of cutlery. Maybe funeral supplies, or law enforcement equipment. Bulletproof vests are in this year.

According to Google, until they review and approve (what a tremendously frightening thought) this site there are just going to be public service announcements for helping out with Katrina victims or tips on avoiding the clap, or something.

God, I hope I get funeral supplies.

17 comments:

angie said...

Ahahahaha! Stephen's a hoor! Not only that, but a hoor for Starbucks! Okay, I realize that may not have been an entirely serious statement of intent, but it was damn funny. Funeral supplies, indeed.

Stephen Blackmoore said...

"realize that may not have been an entirely serious statement of intent"

What, you think I'd lie about coffee? Please.

angie said...

Not coffee, just hoping the Britney Starbucks thingie was a, uh, exaggeration...Dude, I'd never joke about java. That's just crazy talk (from the woman who has her own espresso machine 'cause she can't afford to go to Coffee Roasters every damn day & can't get her freakin' eyes open in the a.m. w/o a double mocha).

JM Burns said...

Starbucks ... Britney ... GoogleAds ... what is this noir world coming to? Still, gotta be better than, say, Winchell's, Paris and MSN. Let us know how much you net!

Anonymous said...

Here's a keyword for your Ad Sense robot:

suppository.

Elizabeth said...

You're a sick man, Steve. So why do I like you so damn much?

Stephen Blackmoore said...

Ah, Anonymous, you're thinking the right way. Of course, since most of my anonymous posters are people who'd like to see me strung up with a lit stick of dynamite stuck up each nostril, I have a pretty good idea where you're going with that one.

However, it's a damn fine idea, nonetheless. Let's see what kinds of ads I can get with a little nudging.

Which means that it's FREE ASSOCIATION TIME!!1!11!

Ahem.

Viagra

Cyalis

Erectile Dysfunction

Depends

Prozac

Dildo

Turgid manroot

Purple headed warrior of looooove

Monkey fucker

Republican

Trout defiler

Sphygmomanometer

Bananarama

Cock knocker

Defenstration

Well slap my ass and call me Sally

Broccoli

Male pattern baldness

What does the Scotsman wear under his kilt?

Your wife's lipstick

Christmas Is Evil: Santa Is Satan Spelled Sideways

Sit on a potato pan, Otis

L.A. Cigar, Too Tragical

I'm a mother pheasant plucker, I pluck mother pheasants, I'm the most pleasant mother pheasant plucker to ever pluck a mother pheasant

How many boards would the Mongols hoarde if the Mongol Hordes hoard boards?

Anything anyone would like to add?

David Terrenoire said...

The mind reels with potential sponsors.

I'm placing my bet on butt plugs.

Stephen Blackmoore said...

One can only hope, David. One can only hope.

M. G. Tarquini said...

What do I have to do to help finance your Frappuwhatzis? Click obsessively?

Ad Fodder:

Eat gerbils.

Kim Mizar-Stem said...

God I love this blog!!!!

M. G. Tarquini said...

Arizona Hurricanes
Don't Be a Victim of the Next Big Storm. Learn More Now!


This is the ad I got.

Um...Arizona doesn't have hurricanes.

There's something really messed up about this.

Chris Everheart said...

Stephen: welcome to the world of people who need the cash. Pray to stay, baby. It's the mortar between the bricks in the tower.

Also, I have an adult performance equipment (gotta be careful - I'm writing kids's books now) startup that could use a springboard like this blog. I'll notify the marketing deparment.

Chris Everheart said...

I know what else I was gonna say, Fred: Stop on by when you get a chance. I'm expecting a happy ending!

I love this blog too!

Elizabeth said...

Stephen, I sent the URL to your blog to a friend of mine. She's a nice girl. Maybe she'll class the place up a bit. God knows we need it.

Her name is Shawn. Y'all be nice to her, y'hear?

Stephen Blackmoore said...

Class. Class? I know not this word, "class".

But then, that was kind of obvious, wasn't it?

fabriziofb said...

they keep sticking funny ads on my blog too...
anyway, great blog...