Tuesday, October 31, 2006

National Dress Up Like An Idiot Day

HELL, GOD HELP ME I'M IN HELL, CA

It's Halloween. Oh joy.

Don't get me wrong, I like Halloween. Rather, I like the blood and gore and horror stuff. Gimme a good gut bursting demon, gratuitous nudity and victims who contain about 40 gallons of blood in their systems, and I'm happy.

What I don't like is Mandatory Workplace Fun. You know, Dress Up Like An Idiot Day.

Last year was... interesting.

Fortunately, it hasn't gotten too traumatic. No zombie clowns or gypsy asshats. Yet.

This year, we've been ordered requested to do our area up like Las Vegas. That'd be great if I could bring in whores, strippers and a suitcase full of blow, but we didn't have the budget. The way they've decorated the place, you'd think people went to Vegas to gamble, or something. You call that Sin City? If there isn't a body buried in the desert by the end of the weekend what's the point?

The most frightening thing about this event is the number of people who have threatened to appear as showgirls. Trust me, this is NOT the place for it. I'm not looking forward to the sheer amount of pasty, wrinkled flesh that's about to get shaken in my direction.

The things you see when you don't have a gun.

12 comments:

anne frasier said...

what are you wearing?

Stephen Blackmoore said...

If you really want to know, it'll cost $9.95 a minute.

Patrick Shawn Bagley said...

I'm dressing up as a big fat hillbilly.

David Terrenoire said...

I'm dressing up as a pasty, alcoholic novelist.

David Terrenoire said...

As for work ordered manufactured frivolity, they expect it here, but they don't get it.

Josh said...

Having just come back from the mandatory lunch party with special prizes for costumes, I feel your pain. Ugh.

Daniel Hatadi said...

It's pretty easy for our office to decorate Vegas-style: we've already got the poker machines.

But I'm lucky, Aussies don't really celebrate Halloween.

Stephen Blackmoore said...

Daniel, no Halloween, eh? Hmm. I'm beginning to think that all good things come from Australia. Like crazy nature boys who got run down by Stingrays, and spiders the size of Shetland ponies.

Wait, scratch that. You also have Vegemite.

Patrick, is that Hatfield or McCoy?

David, Josh, they don't pay anyone enough for enforced frivolity. Ever.

Toni McGee Causey said...

Carl (husband) wondered aloud tonight why we don't really see much in the way of crazy halloween costumes and such here, especially for grown-ups in offices. I reminded him we have Mardi Gras to dress up stupid and get royally drunk and make total fools of ourselves.

I'd never make it in an office which required me to dress up. I'd go as the quiet neighbor, the one most likely to turn out to be a homicidal maniac.

Did you survive the pasty flesh?

anne frasier said...

wow. i forgot i'd used up my 3 free minutes.

Stephen Blackmoore said...

Toni, yes, I survived. It was touch and go there for a bit. Thank god the group that was dressed as pirates all went the Johnny Depp route. Some of the women probably should have trimmed their mustaches first, though.

And Anne, I do take credit cards. Just sayin'.

Daniel Hatadi said...

Vegemite. On behalf of Australia, sorry about that. But I hear it's being banned in the states. Shame, it's our secret weapon against hangovers.

And hey, we got ponies the size of spiders, too. They're just made of plastic. Genuine, imitation plastic.