Monday, October 23, 2006

Nobody Walks In L.A.

All Across The Southland, CA

Los Angeles loves its cars. Unlike some places we have fuck all for public transportation. Our subway serves a minor strip of the city. Our buses are filled with crackheads and three card monte dealers. Half of them don't run on time and the other half don't run at all.

L.A.'s a different city than most. More a sprawl, really. Doesn't share the kind of density of New York or San Francisco. As Jim Thompson puts it in The Grifters, "New York isn't big, it's just got a lot of people in it."

Well, L.A. is big. And it takes a lot to get from place to place.

So we drive. Knew a guy lived in Saugus and commuted to Santa Monica every morning. Two hours each way. I used to have one of those commutes. Lived in Long Beach, worked in Agoura Hills. Hell, I still have an hour each way. And that's the short, non-freeway route. Provided mudslides don't close PCH in the rainy season.

That said, it's not surprising that things happen around our cars. For example, looking at the news this morning:
Wow. A lot of SUV deaths there. Maybe we should ban SUV's? Or, hey, maybe people should learn how to fucking drive their cars. Obviously they can shoot and drive at the same time.

11 comments:

Patrick Shawn Bagley said...

I was on a packed LA bus going down Hollywood Blvd. All the seats were takem and a lot of passengers were standing. There was a guy standing in the aisle a little to my right. He held a newspaper down by his crotch with one hand and gripped one of those overhead straps with the other.

Whenever the bus hit a bump or sped up or slowed down, everyone standing would sway a little. But this guy swayed all the time. At first I thought he was drunk, but then I noticed he wasn't really swaying. He was thrusting his crotch at a woman seated right in front of him. She ignored him.

Then the guy shifted a little and moved his newspaper, revealing that his dick was out and hard. Using the paper for cover, he was thrusting it close to the woman's face. She saw his cock then and calmly got up and took a new seat as soon as some people got off at the next stop. The guy tucked his hard-on back into his pants and no one ever said a word to him.

anne frasier said...

ick, ick, ick!!!!

Stephen Blackmoore said...

Yeah, the L.A. bus system is a thing to behold.

Brett Battles said...

Okay:

1. Officially creeped out by Patrick's story.

2. I...eh...actually walk in L.A.

David Terrenoire said...

It's impossible to walk here, too, but I don't get stopped by the cops when I do.

I was on a commercial shoot in Hollywood and one evening, it being beautiful weather, I went for a walk around the neighborhood of our hotel. I hadn't gone more than 300 yeards before a cop stopped and asked what I was doing and where I was supposed to be.

Like I'd missed bed check or something.

Creeped me out. Not as bad as Patrick's post (and do we know where Stephen was?) but still kinda creepy.

In a related story, my daughter was talking to me on her cell as she walked to her Manhattan office. She stopped and said, "Put that away," and then continued the conversation as though nothing had happened.

You guessed it, somebody flashed her.

I love New York.

Stephen Blackmoore said...

It's okay Brett. You're a freak. We realize this. You're a walker. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Stephen Blackmoore said...

What? David, you were stopped by a police officer in Hollywood?

And he didn't beat you? I don't think he was a real cop.

And was that your daughter? Huh. Small world.

Brett Battles said...

Blackmoore, don't try to play off you were the one to flash Terrenoire's daughter...she wouldn't have said put that away...we all know she wouldn't have even noticed.

anne frasier said...

i had to go back to see what this original post was about. :D

Patrick Shawn Bagley said...

David said, "It's impossible to walk here, too, but I don't get stopped by the cops when I do."

My friends and I often got jacked up by the police just for walking down the street. They'd make us stand up against a building while they patted us down.

One night on the way to a band rehearsal, a cop stopped me and made me open my bass case. He threw my cable, tuner and strap on the sidewalk after picking up the bass by its strings.

It got so bad that, if more than four of us were going anywhere, we'd split up into smaller groups and keep half a block between us. I guess they thought the long hair and leather pants were some kind of gang uniform.

Patrick Shawn Bagley said...

The worst part of getting jacked up by the police in Hollywood was all the tourists standing around taking pictures.