Wednesday, May 09, 2007

And You Thought This Only Happened In Slasher Flicks

La Habra, CA

The chainsaw, the butcher knife, the Garden Weasel. And the ever popular circular saw.
La Habra police said today that a man decapitated a woman with a circular saw and then tried to cut off his own head. He died of severe injuries to his neck.
This one's all kinds of fucked up.

So, he slices through her neck. Please, someone tell me she wasn't alive when this happened. People are not easy to cut through. The soft tissue alone will take you a while. And when you hit the vertebrae? Hooo boy. Imagine the sound of that grinding through a chunk of bone. Blood and bone dust everywhere. Of course, at that point, you're pretty much standing in a fountain of arterial spurting as it is, so you probably don't much care about the mess.

Then he slices through his own neck. Now I'm all for removing certain people from the gene pool. But it takes a certain kind of balls/drugs/insanity to decide that taking off your own head falls into the category of "good idea".

Guess he really wanted to stay out of jail.

The capper to this is that three other adults and a child were in the house while this was going on. Okay, I see three possibilities: they didn't hear it, they didn't care, or they cared and were too freaked out to do anything about the whacko with the buzzsaw hacking a performance art piece through Marie Antoinette in the bedroom.


Patrick Shawn Bagley said...

A few years ago, a guy in a neighboring town decided to off himself. So he got naked and went on his front lawn, where he tried to cut off his own legs with a chainsaw. When that didn't do the trick, he shot himself.

Did I mention that his house was fronted by the closest thing Maine has to an east-west highway? Did I further mention that a bus loaded with elementary school students was passing by when this asshole started his slow, painful suicide?

Regina Harvey said...

The hubby has a dozen different power saws in his workroom - no exaggeration. Should I be worried? How exactly would one commit suicide with - say - a scroll saw?

Stephen Blackmoore said...

Patrick: Maybe he was trying to give the kids a show. Sort of 21st century grand guignol?

Regina: Painfully and with difficulty.

As to whether you should be worried? Well, if you take him out first. you've got nothing to worry about, do you?

Patrick Shawn Bagley said...

So it's like performance art.

David Terrenoire said...

When I go, I'm choosing the dremel.

(Sorry, that word just makes me laugh.)

Stephen Blackmoore said...

Yes, Patrick, it is exactly like performance art. Hell, out here, someone's likely to give you a grant.

David, I think you're the only man I know who could make "dremel" sound dirty. God love ya.

I'm still trying to figure out how you could take someone out with a Ronco In-The-Shell Egg Scrambler. That's the way I want to go.

Not because it sounds pleasant, but because I think nothing cuts through grief at a funeral better than rampant confusion. But then, I also want to have a viewing with me propped in a corner wearing a red, sequined tuxedo and a giant sombrero with those little, dangly yarn balls on the edge with a cigar stuck in my mouth.

And if I catch fire, so much the better.

Michelle said...

I guess the woman was his mom. What a peach of a son, eh? I guess he couldn't find just the right mother's day card.

I hope that once he turned it on himself, it hurt like hell. I had read once that some guy in France tried to do himself in with a chainsaw, but survived when the thing missed his arteries and lodged in his spine. Too bad that didn't happen to this guy...I've had my share of spinal taps, and a little needle with lots of happy juice hurts like a mother...I can only imagine what a saw...circular, chain, or otherwise, would feel like. Yowch.

As for the mom....I sure hope he got a major artery in the first go...she'd be out from blood loss/shock within seconds. Horrible to say something like that, I guess, but the only thing you can wish for in something like this is that it was quick.