Friday, August 29, 2008

Plots With Guns #3

The latest issue of Plots With Guns is up. Kick ass as usual. Check it out.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

In Other Agent News

I'm a day late and a buck short on this one, but Patrick Shawn Bagley has agent news of his own. He's signed on with Renee Zuckerbrot at the aptly named Renee Zuckerbrot Literary Agency for his novel Bitter Water Blues.

Congratulations, man. Well deserved.

Friday, August 15, 2008

Buy This Book - The Darker Mask

The Darker Mask, an anthology of superhero fiction edited by Gary Phillips and Christopher Chambers, drops next Tuesday on the 19th.

It's not exactly your usual men in tights sort of fare. Really, this is an awesome collection of stories. Speaking of which, I would be remiss not to pimp my peeps by pointing out two in particular, Tat Master by Naomi Hirahara and Housework by Doselle Young, two stories that really bring something wonderfully dark and fun to the collection.

Contributors to the anthology include Walter Mosley, L. A. Banks, Naomi Hirahara, Lorenzo Carcaterra, Tananarive Due and Stephen Barnes, Mike Gonzales, Gar Anthony Haywood, Ann Nocenti, Jerry Rodriguez, Reed Farrell Coleman, Doselle Young, Mat Johnson, Peter Spiegelman, Alexandra Sokoloff, Christopher Chambers, Gary Phillips, Victor LaValle, and Wayne Wilson. This is a lineup that would be hard to beat.

For Those Who Are Asking - An (Anonymous) Update On David Jaime Del Toro

I hate it when things drag on.

Two years ago, almost to the day, Jennifer Flores was found dead in Eagle Rock after being dragged a quarter mile from the driveway of the suspect's home, Fire Captain David Jaime Del Toro.

Anyway, Del Toro's trial date keeps getting moved. Got an anonymous comment last night saying
All I can say is that the Trail maybe in Nov, Things are looking good but they are going to slow.
Being anonymous, take it for what it's worth.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

One More Reason To Not Poke The Crazy Bear

Universal City, CA

Because sometimes the crazy bear has scissors.

A man and a woman were arguing at the Universal City Metro Red Line station when the woman pulled out a pair of scissors. The man tried to take them away and that's when things got out of hand. A bunch of folks tried to intervene and got cut for their troubles.

See, this is totally the wrong response. When two people start going mano-a-mano on each other you don't try to help them. No, you film it with your iPhone while one of your buddies screams, "Two men enter! One man leaves!" preferably through a megaphone if he has one handy, and then you upload it to Youtube and get millions of hits and you follow it up with a series of train-rage related fights called METRO-STOMPERS! in flashing 72-point flashing (Yes, I know I said flashing twice, because flashing text on a website is the MONEY SHOT, baby!!!11!!) letters and you censor out people's faces the way they block out the boobs on those Girls Gone Wild commercials but it isn't long before someone realizes that you're doing that because it's the same two people in every shot only wearing different clothes and maybe a wig and a fat suit every once in a while and where the hell did you get a fat suit, anyway? They make those? Seriously? and all your rabid, train-fight re-enacting fans call for your blood and show up at your Bel Air mansion with torches and pitchforks and drive away those hot, rich, north of Sunset type cheerleader babes with fake tits sunning themselves in your Sharper Image Tan-O-Matic Sauna And Day Spa while they do mountains of Bolivian blow off each other's flat bellies and all you can do is scream as you watch your bizaare fetish fantasies of cocaine cheer squads go up in flames but you don't worry about it too long because you're too busy dealing with the bone jarring crunch of being beaten with 2x4's for daring, yes daring! to fleece the internet public with your two-bit, derivative, fraudulent fight scenes that are nowhere near as good as that new guy's who put up those videos of crazy people beating the crap out of each other with live trout outside of a public bathroom and I hear he's doing a new series called PORT-A-POTTY STOMPERS! in super-extra-flashy 84-point type.

And then you die.

So, yeah, probably better to just walk away.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

I Can Haz Agent?

I now have an agent. As of, like, two weeks ago. A Scottish gentleman by the name of Allan Guthrie. I don't know why I've been so paranoid about talking about it. Seriously, I haven't even told my mother about this, yet.

Which reminds me, I should probably check to see if she's still alive.

Friday, August 08, 2008

The Dark Side of Puppetry - Friday's Forgotten Books

For more Forgotten Books check out Patti Abbott's blog here.

I like a book with murder in it. With grifters, liars, thieves. Kids getting caught up in white slavery, overworked to death. Young punks getting their dads thrown in jail. Something dark and fucked up. I'm fine with a happy ending as long as it's a really twisted ride to get there.

That's why I've always liked The Adventures of Pinocchio.

Forget Disney. That bastard screwed Carlo Collodi's little noir tale all to hell. Most people, here in the States at least, know the Disney version and not the story it comes from. Where Disney is this light, fluffy, feel good movie written to help a struggling America forget about the depression, the original is a dark little morality play that could give kids puppet nightmares for weeks.

Case in point, the Cricket? He dies. Pretty much right at the beginning. Pinocchio MURDERS him. Flattens him with a hammer. The Cricket's ghost haunts the little bastard the rest of the story offering sarcasm instead of advice. This is after Pinnochio gets Gepetto locked up. The cops see an old man running after a little boy in the streets and, well, you can guess what they're thinking. As comeuppance Pinocchio manages to get his feet burned off in the fire until they're nothing but little black stumps. The dangers of being made of wood, I suppose.

It pretty much goes downhill from there with Pinocchio taken for a ride by a couple of grifters, turned into a donkey with another kid who gets sold to a farm to work until he dies from exhaustion, eaten by fish, thrown in jail. Twice. The only thing missing is him selling his ass on Skid Row to pay for a meth habit.

To give him credit Pinocchio does try. But he's stupid and kind of a dick so he always screws things up. Until the end where he finally redeems himself. And then gets rewarded by being turned into a real boy.

Congratulations, kid! You can die now! That's a real plus.

So if you're looking for something to scar your kids you can't go wrong with this one. Twenty years from now their therapists will thank you.

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Beatings For Jesus

Anaheim, CA

Not all motorcycle gangs are scary heathens who want to rip your face off and eat your brains. No, some of them have religion.

Eight members of the Christian biker gang, the Set Free Soldiers were arrested this morning during a set of raids in Anaheim, Rancho Santa Margarita, Costa Mesa, Norco and San Diego yesterday on attempted murder charges for their alleged role in a Newport Beach bar fight against some Hell's Angels last week. There was much striking down upon with great vengeance and furious anger. Or something.

Anyway, when was the last time you saw the Hell's Angels described as "victims"?

Whatever the Set Free Soldiers bill themselves as it looks like the cops aren't fucking around. The raids were conducted in a joint effort by local law enforcement with SWAT teams and DEA agents. Helicopters, big scary guns, the works. Each of the eight men are being held on $1 million bail.

If I Wrote Comics

Forgot to mention this the other day. Not surprising, being a spaz and all.

Patrick Shawn Bagley asked a bunch of folks what characters they would like to take a crack at if they wrote comics. My answer, about halfway down shouldn't really surprise anyone.

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

The Finer Points Of Not Getting Caught

Los Angeles, CA

Pamela Goudie Fayed was stabbed to death last week in the parking garage of an office building in Century City. The killer, an unidentified man in his twenties, took off in a red SUV. Pamela's estranged husband, James Michael Fayed, 45, an entrepreneur who made his fortune with an online gold trading business is, shocker, the prime suspect. Besides the fact that he's the husband (and it's so often the husband), what evidence do they have linking him to the crime?

is credit card was used to rent the getaway vehicle and was found in his wallet when he was arrested.

Seems the couple had been in the middle of a nasty divorce, some of it centering around the ownership of their companies, Goldfinger Coin and Bullion Sales and E-Bullion. According to court documents Pamela had accused her husband of violating federal currency trading laws and not getting the proper licenses and bonds for their companies. Both of which he denies.  When the cops searched Fayed's house they found $3 million in gold bullion and $60K in cash.  There are rumors of buried money.

Pamela was killed after meeting with Fayed and their lawyers at the office building. Seems the killer was waiting for her. All this the day before there was to be a court hearing to talk about the $12 million in assets she said he had been hiding from her.

Do you smell a hit? I smell a hit.

The devil's in the details, of which, clearly he's not a big fan. Rule #28,263: Don't use your own credit card to rent the getaway vehicle. What do you think?  Stupid or just incompetent? And is there really a difference?  Good thing he's in jail, because the guy he hired is going to be none too happy when he gets ratted out for a reduced sentence.

Monday, August 04, 2008

Robin Hudz - You're Doin' It Wrong

Pacoima, CA
"So, let me get this straight. We rob..."

"Yes."

"From the... poor?"

"... Maybe?"

"That sounds backward. I mean, the poor don't have anything. Right? By definition."

"Good point. Well, how about those guys? They just help the poor be, you know, less poor."

"They got money?"

"No, but they got tablesaws.
More than $10,000.00 in equipment was stolen from a local Habitat For Humanity in Pacoima stopping the completion of a housing project for the poor.

Okay, look. I get it. You want stuff. They have stuff. But the stuff they have is for people who have even less stuff than you do. You're supposed to help the poor, not...

Oh, never mind. If that argument won't work on Republicans I don't see how it should work on you.

Friday, August 01, 2008

The Question Isn't Who Shot, But Who Didn't

Woodland Hills, CA

Three armed people broke into a home in Woodland Hills this afternoon. Only two of them walked out.

Seems the residents were exercising their rights to bear arms, killing one of the intruders and causing the others to flee.
...there apparently were four people inside the home and officers were trying to determine how many of them fired at the intruders.
Looks like they picked the wrong mark. Just imagine if we were all packing. Wonder how many home intruders we'd have then.

Remember kids, an armed society is a polite society.