Friday, October 23, 2009

It's Like An iPod, Only More Totalitarian

Los Angeles, CA

You ever wonder what would happen if Steve Jobs ran the Thought Police? Well, he might come up with something like this.

The iWatch program is the LAPD's latest attempt to create a city-wide terrorist watch. They launched it earlier this month. It's not like it's a new idea. Governments have been doing it for forever. See something suspicious and report it. Like "People drawing or measuring important buildings".

That should be easy. It's not like anybody takes pictures in Los Angeles, or anything.

Anyway, it caused a bit of a snit when it came out, as I'm sure you can understand.

And that snit's gotten a little bigger with the release of this PSA.

Huffington Post asks the question, "Important or Incredibly Creepy?"

I'm edging toward creepy. Not because I don't trust the LAPD, which I don't. I mean come on. What's to trust?

But because I don't trust you.

Yes, you. Seriously, people. You panic at the drop of a fucking hat. We get a drizzle in this town and it's STORM WATCH 2009!!!11!!one!! Oh my god, a car's pulled over on the freeway twelve miles away! Everybody slam on your fucking brakes!

I don't want you freaking out over some tourist from Wisconsin taking pictures of the Bradbury Building, or losing your shit because somebody left his backpack on a bus.

There's a common strategy you see in war propaganda where a group of men and women is shown who are supposed to be representative of The People. You, me, the guy down the street, the woman next door, whatever. Everyone you see is Us.

Which implies that everyone you don't see is Them.

Look at the people in the video. The writers of this thing tried to cover a lot of bases, hit a lot of ethnic groups.

But there's only one person with an accent, an Indian woman. No one looks to be Middle-Eastern, though there's one guy who kind of maybe sort of might pass. Until you hear his name is George.

Now I'm not saying they intentionally did this. After all I'm not seeing anyone who looks, I don't know, Hmong? Samoan? But when you consider that we have the largest population of Iranians outside of Iran here, you'd think maybe you'd want to toss a couple of them in for good measure. Would it have killed them to throw a Mehrdad in there?

Yes, L.A. is a big fat fucking target. Yes, Islamic extremism is the thing we're all worried about. And yes, this is a delicate idea that the LAPD is trying to sell.

But the thing that really creeps me out about this is the blond chick. Scares the piss out of me. Look at those fucking eyes. She's totally got that Innsmouth Look. Like a goddamn trout.

Screw all the 1984 stuff. She's the one you have to watch out for.

[Hat tip to my buddy Mike for bouncing the video my way]


LAkompany said...

I enjoy the Lovecraft reference. Best, LAKompany

David said...

You're right. She is creepy. Little Sister is watching you.

But all of this is okay. Why? Because Americans are strong, tough, rugged, independent, and never in need of government help or protection. Also, we're a nation of immigrants, where the huddled masses yearning to be free are always welcome.

Gerard Saylor said...

"Terrorism is a crime." Really? Thanks for that update.