Laguna Beach, CA
Back in March I mentioned Yvonne Jean Pampellonne, who was accused of stealing someone's identity and using it to rack up some $12,000.00 in cosmetic surgery charges for breast implants and liposuction. Well, she's in court now facing 3 felony charges.
What I hadn't realized at the time is what the police used to track her down.
Pampellone surrendered to police in March after detectives caught up with her using breast implant tracking numbers.
and in a related article:
Breast implants are medical devices with tracking numbers that helped confirm Pampellonne's identity. When implants are inserted or removed, the numbers are recorded by medical staff and associated with the patient in case of problems. The numbers can also be used by coroners to help identify bodies.
Reading that I have only one question.
"When implants are inserted or removed..."
What, they took them out to see? It's not like they have RFID. Do they? That would be more than a little disturbing. Chip a boob like they chipped my dog? Cyberboobs?
I think I saw that movie.
If she was stupid enough to give her real address then they didn't need the serial numbers, right? The only way I can think this worked is if she gave one address for the surgery and another address for the... warranty card? Did she have to register her boobs to get free upgrades? Does she get email like, "Hi Yvonne! New Boob 3.5 (beta) is now available! Rounder! Fuller! Faster!"
I'm picturing cops roaming Orange County with handheld parabolic tracking devices that beep as they pass the fake boobs of Laguna Niguel. The damn things would never shut up.
Okay, cheap jokes aside... HA! Like that's ever gonna happen. The medical center staff ID'd her in a line-up... Which is another image that just opens itself up for frat boy comedy. Did they look at her or her boobs? And who'd they get to be in the line-up with her? And how do I get that job?
Anyway, as I was saying, the staff ID'd her in the line-up and they used the recorded serial numbers to confirm her identity. Which I'm still having trouble wrapping my head around. They've got her. They've got witnesses. Which really is all you need, right? The boobs are just superfluous.
I can't believe I just said that.
If it was so important that the boobs were used to confirm her ID, it's going to come up in court. Sure, they've got the recorded serial numbers. But how do they know that her boobs are the stolen boobs? How are they going to prove it?
And you thought jury duty was boring.