Monday, November 30, 2009

Beat The Handicapped Week

Anaheim and Covina, CA

Apparently there's a new holiday tradition. Something to tide you over between Turkey Day and Consumermas, or whatever the fuck they're calling it these days.

Grab somebody disabled and beat them in a senseless rage.

I guess it's supposed to make them feel more like the rest of us. How progressive.

So Friday, Taufa Vaioleti was arrested for allegedly attacking a blind man at an AM/PM in Anaheim. Seems the guy wanted to use the bathroom while Vaioleti's cousin was in it. So he knocked on the door.

The nerve. I mean, come on. You should just know that somebody's in there.

Especially if you're blind. That gives you like super hearing or smell or something, doesn't it? Like Daredevil, right?

Anyway, so the guy gets pissed off, comes out of the bathroom and tells Vaioleti about the door knocking. Throws in something about a racial slur.

Now, just out of curiosity, what sort of racial slur would one use when speaking of Mr. Vaioleti? Seriously, I have no fucking clue what kind of name that is. Italian? Armenian? Eskimo?

Anyway, so Vaioleti gets out and proceeds to beat the tar out of the blind man.

And he takes it. Doesn't even pull a sword out of his white cane like Zatoichi or anything. Just gets pummeled even after a bunch of people are telling Vaioleti that he's blind.

But one incident does not a tradition make.

Looks like Martin Silva, 52, of Covina, punched his wheelchair bound brother-in-law to death in Covina over a money matter.

He's being held without bail on suspicion of murder.

So who's next? Homeless guy? Somebody on crutches? The deaf?

Going to have to do something big if it wants to get on the holiday roster. It's got some stiff competition out there from Kick A Ginger Day.

They've already arrested three kids for that one.

Friday, November 27, 2009

Apparently, All It Takes Is A Tape Measure

Los Angeles, CA

There are a lot of bad pick-up lines. "Nice dress. It'd look good on my bedroom floor." "So, you like anal?" "I design custom fitted underwear, mind if I "measure" you?"

Come on. Guys, none of these are going to work. Ever. I mean-

What? Seriously?

I stand corrected. The underwear one's a winner.

Keith Nichols, 22, is suspected of four counts of sexual battery. Seems he tells girls he's a photographer for Vibe magazine and if their measurements are good he can get them a modeling gig. So he takes them someplace out of the way and, uh, "measures" them.

He takes no pictures, just pulls out a tape measure as a prop and then proceeds to grope his way around. How does he get away with that? "Why, yes, my palm is shaped like a perfect C cup."?

Needless to say, the police are looking for Mr. Nichols, who very likely doesn't want to be found. Seems groping is a misdemeanor, but I don't think anyone's convinced he's going to cut it short there.

Custom Fit Underwear. The 21st Century's Boob Inspector.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Like A Toddler With A Straight Razor

L.A. Noir is four years old today.  

Yeah, no shit.  Really.

I know things have been quiet over here the last few weeks, but still.  Four years.  I never thought it'd last this long.  Figured I'd mock some weird crime shit for a couple months and then it'd all dry up.

That was 970 posts ago.  Boy was I wrong.

I'd say something about wasted youth, but that train left the station years ago.

Anyway, if you like, go ahead and peruse some of the older posts.  You can grab them on the sidebar over there to the right.  Have fun.

Four years.  Goddamn, I feel old.

Sunday, November 01, 2009

Sanity Shattering Cuteness

Apparently the Great Old Ones' target demographic is 12-year-old Japanese girls.

The Amazing Adventures of Lil Cthulhu.