Sunday, May 30, 2010

Method Acting

Costa Mesa, CA

Last Saturday the body of Juri Kibuishi, 23, was found in the apartment of Samuel E. Herr, an Army veteran, in Costa Mesa by Mr. Herr's father. She was found hanging off the bed, partly clothed with a bullet in her head. Sam was nowhere to be found. Her phone showed that he had texted her the night before and she had come to the apartment.

The police, as police are wont to do, looked at the simple explanation, which was that Herr raped and killed her and then skedaddled for parts unknown.

Thing is, decades of PI novels to the contrary, the police aren't stupid.

On Friday, Herr's downstairs neighbor Daniel Wozniak, was picked up for murdering Herr and Kibuishi. He shot Herr at a theatre on the National Guard base in Los Alamitos, dismembered him, hid some pieces in the theater and dumped the rest at El Dorado Park in Long Beach. Then he texted Kibuishi from Herr's phone, killed her when she came over to the apartment and made it look like Herr did it.

Clever. NO ONE will see through that.

Wozniak is an actor. I'm going to assume not a very good one. Not only was he doing community theater, which is like being thrust deep into Satan's puckered asshole, but he got caught.

He was having some problems, which, of course he would. He's an actor. Can't trust actors. John Wilkes Booth was an actor. Q.E.D.

I just stuck that on the end there to sound smart. Didn't work, did it?

Anyway, Wozniak was about to be evicted from his apartment, owed a bunch of people money, and was getting married later that week in a park in Long Beach.

Then he got caught making ATM withdrawals from Herr's account.

The break in th case came when police found Herr's head.

I wonder where he stuck the pieces. They've got these really big half-dumpster sized trashcans down at El Dorado. About four feet tall and four wide. Last time I was down there (kid's birthday party - it's own special kind of hell) I spent a good hour or so talking to a mortician about how many bodies we could stuff into them. About a dozen is what we came up with.

Corpses don't mind if you fold them funny.

And what park was Wozniak getting married at? Was it El Dorado? Please say it was El Dorado. There aren't that many parks in Long Beach to do that sort of thing. Man, that would take some balls.

"No, honey, I'm not tense about the wedding. Just wondering if that severed head I stuffed in the bushes over there is going to roll out and scare the guests."

1 comment:

KateH said...

Wow. Just. Wow.