Thursday, March 10, 2011

Cruel Shoes

Hillcrest, CA

You ever seen women fight? I'm not talking professionally, where they know what they're doing. I'm talking so pissed off they snap and turn into nightmare rabid she-devils striking with claws and fangs and fire burning from their eyes.

They fight uglier than men. I think a lot of that is because of how men are acculturated to use violence against each other for everything from redressing wrongs and gaining respect, to sealing friendships. Yeah, we're kind of weird that way.

A lot of women don't interact with each other quite the same way men do. From what I've been able to tell, when they fight, they fight dirty. Men have, oddly enough, a bunch of cultural failsafes built in. It either ends in death, broken bones or buying a round of beer. Sometimes all three.

The only thing that might maybe help you is if they don't have the same body strength as men. And that's iffy. I know a lot of slow, fat guys who could get taken down by a 12-year-old girl in a heartbeat.

But shit, can you imagine if they did? How ugly that would be? It might look a little something like this.

A group of transvestites got into a brawl at a San Diego taco shop and boy-howdy was it nasty. Check out the lady in the little white number going to town with a pair of spiked heels. Jesus fuck. Imagine getting a few of those shots in the kidneys.

Man, talk about a catfight. Seems it started over who had the best body. You know, the important stuff.

According to a comment in the original story the cops didn't break up the fight. Instead the ladies got tired, sashayed out the door and started chucking chairs at each other.

I'm sure they'll let reason prevail and they'll let this whole thing blow over. Right?

Yeah, I don't think so, either.


Terrill Lee Lankford said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Stephen Blackmoore said...

Got burned on that a few too many times did ya, Terrill? Your first question should be "Pre or post?" anything other than "Huh?" is a tip off.

Terrill Lee Lankford said...

Oh hell, I deleted my comment after I reread your post. It wasn't clear to me at first that you knew those weren't women.

I never got burned on that score, but came dangerously close once at a donut shop in Hollywood back in the 80s.

"She" was gorgeous, but it seemed waaay too easy. I had to ask for I.D. before waving off the offer.

What can I say? I'm a prude. I'm still not ready to "take a walk on the wild side."

Stephen Blackmoore said...

Man, you should see Santa Monica Boulevard after the bars close. Now that's a sight.

Not a pretty sight, but it's a sight.

Jimmy Callaway said...

San Diego, California: represent.