Sunday, May 29, 2011

Screw Wisdom

Morro Bay, CA

When I get old I don’t want to be the guy people come to for advice, the one folks think of when they have a problem to solve, or need the kind of insight that age and experience can bring.

No, I want to be this guy.

The Geezer Bandit has been knocking over banks from San Diego on up since 2009. Described as a 60 - 70 year old man, he walks in, brandishes a gun, gets the money and hobbles out again.

And now he’s hit bank number 14, a Heritage Oaks branch in Morro Bay, his first that far north. He’s been pretty quiet since January when he knocked over a bank in Goleta. If this keeps up he should be in Santa Cruz by July.

Now some suggest this might be the work of a younger man in a special effects mask. Hardly a new thing. Back in 2010 a white guy in Ohio was hitting banks in a mask so good it had the cops looking for a black man for six robberies.

I hope it’s not a mask. I hope it's not some pissy twenty-year-old who's figured out how to game the system.

I want this to be some guy who’s hit his twilight years and finally said, "Fuck it. I'm robbin' me a goddamn bank."

Maybe the government fucked his Social Security. Maybe he's got a sick wife. Or a mistress who's got a taste for furs and diamonds. Into some guy in Atlantic City for twenty thou and this is the only thing he can think of to clear his debt.

Or maybe he just likes fucking with people.

Whatever it is he's really got to be pissing off the FBI. Fourteen bank robberies. Seriously, fourteen.

Old just means you've got a lot of experience. And in this case it's experience at not getting caught.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I wonder if the tellers who have had the awful experience of being robbed, would agree?