Friday, June 03, 2011

People With Whom You Do Not Fuck #3,673: The Barista

Costa Mesa

Next time you're grabbing an iced frappamochalattearino or whatever, take a gander at the tip jar. There's, what, $13.50 in there? Twenty bucks, tops?

Not much, right? Doesn't matter. If you snag that wad of singles and handful of loose nickels, you are going the fuck down.

Three guys (2 men and a juvenile) were seen stealing cash out of a tip jar at a Starbucks in Costa Mesa and took off in a stolen car. Did they just patrol cars after them?

No, they sent a motherfucking HELICOPTER to take them down.

Just picture it. Helicopter buzzing down the street NOE, taking out car antennae, blasting Wagner through their speakers. A screaming Barista, cute button nose, shoulder tattoo, just trying to put herself through art school, hanging onto the side with an M-60 in her hand, bullets ripping the pavement only a few feet below her.

"You want a motherfuckin' tip!" she screams.  "I'll give you a motherfuckin' tip!  Do not fuck with your professionally trained coffee preparation specialist!"

And then she shoots him.

Yeah.  I'd pay good money to see that on screen.

Anyway, helicopter.  Drama.  Sturm und drang.  For a fucking tip jar.

Man, those Costa Mesa pilots must be pretty goddamn bored.

1 comment:

Mike Dennis said...


That barista-clinging-to-the-side-of-a-helicopter scene would be perfect in a trailer for some Vin Diesel movie or whatever.