All Good Things Come With Waffles

Van Nuys, CA

You know what breakfast tastes like? It tastes like freedom.

Ernesto Servellon, 32, a man who it would appear has trouble letting go, kidnapped his ex-girlfriend Sunday at knifepoint, took her to his apartment where he tied her up and assaulted her.

Then he took her to breakfast.

Hey, nothing says "Let's get back together after a kidnapping and beating," like an IHOP stack o' Rooty Tooty Fresh 'N Fruity.

Her response was something along the lines of "Here's a SWAT team for your trouble, kthxbai."

She got away and called the cops who went after Ernesto like a dog looking for just the right place to take a dump. Six hours and one stand-off later, boy's in the pokey on $1 million bail.

Jesus, Ernie, you couldn't think of something better? What happened to standing out on the front lawn with a boombox playing Peter Gabriel? Oh, right, you're a psychotic jackass who thinks it's okay to swing a knife around like it's a dick extension.

Have fun in prison. I hear they serve pancakes.