Friday, October 07, 2011

I Put A Spell On You

Palmdale, CA

Lightning cracked the desert sky. A coyote howled. The old gypsy women peered above her bifocals, crooked a bony finger at the child.

"Even a man," she said, "who is pure of heart, and says his prayers by night, may become a wolf. Unless..."

"Unless?" said the child, her voice trembling with fear.

"Unless you get me $10K in hot rocks before the month is out."

Jackeline Lopez of Palmdale is accused of scaring a 12-year-old girl into ripping off $10K worth of her parents jewelry.

The "psychic" told the girl that she was cursed and that terrrrrrible things would happen to her if she didn't bring her mom's jewelry to be cleansed in a ritual cauldron. After each ritual Ms Lopez would presumably then shake her head in a very dire fashion and tell the kid, "Nope, sorry. Still cursed."

And so the girl would come back later with more jewelry until, shockingly, mom and dad noticed that the earrings, broach, and diamond studded cock-ring were missing. After asking their darling daughter where the goods were they called the cops.

Detectives found some of the stolen jewelry in local pawn shops and arrested Ms Lopez, who is currently out on $35K bail. They're currently looking for an older, balding gentleman who showed up on surveillance tapes helping her hock it.

Now, obvious jokes aside (She's psychic? She shoulda seen it comin'!) maybe it's not all bupkes. Maybe it's true. Maybe there IS a curse. After all, they're living in fucking Palmdale.

That's like three rings of Hell right there.

1 comment:

Cafe Noir said...

What's someone in Palmdale doing with 10K in jewelry anyway?