Wednesday, September 05, 2012

Kidnapping And Bank Robbery - Two Bad Tastes That Taste Terrifying Together

Los Angeles, CA

You know how in the movies somebody straps dynamite to somebody and tells them that if they don't rob a bank for them that they'll set it off?

Turns out that happens in real life, too.

Two masked men kidnapped the manager of a local Bank of America last night, strapped what they said was a bomb to her stomach and sent into an East L.A. branch with instructions to toss bags of money out the door.

Unsurprisingly, she did exactly that. I mean, what the hell is she going to do?

Once the bank robbers took off with the money the other people in the bank called the bomb squad, who promptly showed up and got rid of the device. No word yet on whether it was, in fact, a bomb.

It's happened before. Sadly, it'll probably happen again. Why? Because people are assholes.

Why can't they use, I don't know, weasels, or something? Weasels are terrifying. With their pointed teeth and Riki-Tiki-Tavi dance moves. "We're gonna strap these weasels to your nethers and unless you rob that bank we'll douse you with Drakkar Noir, which will send the weasels into a frenzy whereupon they will chew through your pants and devour your tender nibbly bits."

Yeah, that's a little too complicated, isn't it?

Man, I miss the Geezer Bandit. At least he was classy.

No comments: