Thursday, December 13, 2012

If The Name Fits

Los Angeles, CA

Everybody's got a schtick these days. Every comic's got their own brand of rubber chicken, every porn star's got their signature cum face, every politician has their own particular way of fucking you in the ass. But none so much as your lowly petty criminal.

Every bank robber gets a name based on some identifying characteristic. Goofy Hat, Floppy Hat, Overweight, Weather Girl, Irreconcilable Differences, Tic-Tac, Enormous Ears, WWF Shotgun, Cuecard and, my personal favorite, The Geezer.

But now we're seeing small fry getting in on the act. Seems there's a guy in the West Valley who's been hitting places with a lot less dough than your typical bank; Starbucks, Coffee Bean, Subway. Not places known for having vaults overflowing with cash.

His gimmick? He asks for a job application, pulls a gun and then walks with the contents of the register and safe. What are they calling him? The Job App Bandit, of course.

Seems an awful lot of work to me. I mean, why ask for the job application? Why give them time to memorize your face? Walk in, wave the gun around, get in, get out.
The hoodie-wearing African American man they're looking for is in his 20s, around 5 feet, 6 inches, 150 pounds, with large, dark-frame glasses, a dark backpack and a Raiders beanie.
Sure, there's no picture, but that's a better description than you usually get.  And the people giving the description are scared shitless because some asshole's shoving a gun in their faces.

Anyway, if you happen to work in a Starbucks keep an eye out for this guy and watch out if he asks you for a job. Clearly he's already got one.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

All that for some coin?