Wednesday, July 03, 2013

In Which I Am Tired Of Being Angry

L.A. Noir hasn't been updated in a while and I've been thinking lately about why that is.

The last time I updated this site was back in May.  Before that was March.  Before that was February.  If you look at the number of posts over on the right it shows a pretty consistent rise and fall over the last several years.

Not for lack of things to write about.  A LOT has happened that I could write about here.  I've sat down almost every day fully intending to write about the latest jackass bank robber, heinous murder, weird crime, or police outrage and I just can't do it.

And I realized recently it's because I'm angry.  About everything.  Not just angry, but RAGING.  Big things, little things.  The NSA, money, anti-woman legislation in states I may never visit, Congressional bullshit, people dealing with medical crap (both diseases and the ass-fucking we call health care), neighbors making too much noise, people being bad to each other, my own complicity in the problem, my lack of power to do much of anything about these things.

I'm a cynic at the best of times but I haven't been this angry in twenty years.

And then a couple days ago I saw a video.  It shows a man being arrested by some Hawthorne police officers.  And his dog gets into it.

And the cops shoot the dog.

You can find it.  I'm not linking to it here.  I don't want to watch it anymore.  It's floating around the internet now.  Sparking outrage, as it should.  Showing the police as thugs, which considering Hawthorne's history I think I'm safe in saying they are.  Then there's the owner.  He wasn't helping things.  It seems he was pretty intent on creating a confrontation, though god knows not that particular confrontation.  Nobody came out of this situation looking good, though the police clearly came out looking worse.

I sat down to write about it and realized I couldn't.  In fact, if you think about it, I still haven't.  I just wrote about it in context of my anger, not in context of the thing itself, which lately seems to be the only way I can write about much of anything.

Of all the things that this site has been about, it has been about my anger.  That's what's fueled it over the last eight(!!!) years.  That's what it's always been for.  A place to put my anger so I don't have to think about it for a little bit.  Not letting off steam so much as setting it aside for a little while so I can focus on other things. Crime in Los Angeles has really just been a convenient proxy for the anger.

But lately I've just had too much.  Rage fatigue.  The anger has made me tired and the tired has made me angry and back and forth and jesuschristijustwantittofuckingstop.

And of course NOT talking about it adds to the problem.  If I (or you or anybody) stop making noise about the injustices in the world all it does is help the people perpetuating the injustice.  And I don't want to do that.  I want them to fucking stop it.

So I'm not sure what to do about all this except take a break for a bit.  I don't know if I'm going to start up the blog again.  I think so.  Because there is too much bullshit (both tragic and hilarious, sometimes at the same time) in this town not to document.  But it'll be a while.

In the meantime I'll be raging over on Twitter, probably.  @sblackmoore if you want to hear me making an ass of myself.  It's something I'm good at.

I'm taking an official break from the blog for the rest of this year.  As opposed to the unofficial one that I've already been taking.  Maybe less, maybe more.  We'll see.  It's not disappearing or anything.  And really, it could use a decent re-design.  And CITY OF THE LOST over on the side there needs to get replaced.

Rage fatigue, man.  Shit'll kill you if you're not careful.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Take a vacation. Leave the country. Get a new perspective. Outrage is a particularly American affliction. It's usually impossible to see it as an abnormal state of being. You've done that part. You see it as abnormal. But knowing that and not succumbing to it are two different beasts. Go someplace, get a room in a hotel where local people stay (not a resort) and hang out for three weeks at least. Accomplish something simple, like getting there and back with a surfboard, or buying a t-shirt in every bar you visit, or trying to locate and wash your hands in every fountain. The outrage will dissipate.

Tim said...

This is cool!